*This post was originally posted on March 10, 2017, enjoy some edits and an addendum at the end* There I stood, some 155 feet about the Nile River. My toes over the edge of the platform. My hands raised above my head, grasping the roof of the platform. The instructor in the background saying, "Don't look down, let go, spread your wings, and fly!" But I didn't! I released the roof, then I grabbed on tight again. Up and down my arms went, each time thinking, "What the hell are you doing?!" I felt a tingling sensation from my finger tips to my toes. My knees felt like they would buckle and I would just fall off the platform (now that would have made for a great picture). The tingling made it harder to hold on. I put my arms down one more time and heard a "3,2,1" in the background... ...There I was falling through the air! I don't remember anything, expect getting into the boat and almost crying. I JUMPED!! It wasn't until later that night I thought about what bungee jumping taught me about faith. We often find ourselves at the top of a platform. We doubt if we should jump, we doubt the outcomes. We know we are connected to a bungee cord, we know it's in our best interest to jump. However, we don't jump! Our brain all of a sudden becomes the most rational it has been our entire adult life, telling us, "No, what on earth are you doing?! You aren't 100% sure of the outcome of this!" Like seriously, why weren't you this rational in undergrad, brain?! Anyway... It made me think of the many times I triple or quadruple guessed if I should jump. Whether it was a new school, a new job, a new state, a new leadership position, a new opportunity, a new dating opportunity, a new anything, my brain always said, "Are you sure this is the right thing?" Funny, I call myself a Christian, I know I have a life line, a bungee cord connected to a harness. I know that when I jump, I can't fall, I can only fly, I'm protected...But I still hesitate to jump. The instructor kept saying, "Just let go, spread your wings and fly!" God tells us the same thing, "Let go, fly, trust me, I got you!" Yet, STILL, we don't jump! Why? Because we claim to have unwavering faith, but when it comes to situations that make us uncomfortable, truth is, our mustard seed vanishes. We are called to have faith that is powerful enough move mountains. We are charged to believe that when we take a leap, trusting and believing, there is no way we can fail. However, in moments which we don't have all the answers, we second-guess and lack the faith to overpower our brain. In the toughest decisions, we must believe that He is loyal and greater than anything we could think of. My heart said, "JUST JUMP!!" At the same time, my mind was saying, "This is stupid stupid, why are you up here?! There's a cord attached, but you can still die!" Overcoming your mind is the hardest part of faith, of life, actually. It's easier said than done. When you're at the top, when you're at the beginning of a new adventure, you have to trust and believe that you will fly! There I was, on my 25th birthday, falling, arms open wide. A part of me was anticipating the recoil, the jerk that signified I was didn't smash into the Nile River. I don't remember the fall, I just remember making it to the end. When I got to land, the instructor said, "See, I told you!" I'm like, "You're right, you're right!" How many times have you hesitated, quarreled, with your mind over whether to jump or not, and when you finally jumped, and felt that recoil, God said, "Bruh, listen, how many times do I have to tell you, I GOT YOU!!!" ADDENDUM As I prep for the New Year and my 28th trip around the sun, I have reread this post a few times. A few years later, and it still resonants. I've never been one for New Years' Resolutions, but I can't help to think about the things I MUST take a leap on in 2020. Y'all, so many things I hesitated to do in 2019, chances I didn't take, times I didn't jump. I held out on applying for jobs, graduate programs, and other things because I didn't think I was qualified for them. I was hard and very critical of myself, per usual. I psyched myself out. The things I did decide to do, I contemplated and thought about them longer than I should have. Don't get this confused with 2019 being a "bad" year, it wasn't. Well, it was a rollercoaster. LOL!! I mean, 2019 was going well, then without notice, shit got kinda crazy, and then by the time it leveled out, I was just like, "Ok, Imma just ride this thing out." But anyway, this past year I was back on that platform, putting my arms up and down, legs shaking like, "Do I jump, or nah?" I take full responsibility for the things I let fear and anxiety hinder me from doing in 2019. Oh, but in 2020, it ends. What are you hesitant about? Whatever it is, sis, take the leap. Fill out that application, even if you aren't qualified. Start the business! Launch the blog, podcast, or YouTube channel! Take the vacation, even if alone. Make a savings and investment plan. Start the new fitness journey, despite how previous fitness journeys have gone. Go out on that date. Hell, shoot the first shot. Go to that dance or sewing class. Don't hold back. You just have to start. You don't know the outcome, but you'll never know if you don't start. Walk into the New Year knowing you are loved by a God that only wants to see you win. Jump confidently, knowing that you are protected. Set goals that people will call you crazy for having. Jump boldly. Prevent your fear from resurfacing knowing that even when things don't seem like they will work out, it only means greater is in store for you. Nothing that is meant for you will pass you by. Oh, I'll throw this one in for free, things can still be working in your favor and be headed in the right direction, even in the midst of chaos. I'm a witness to that, so just chill. One thing that is certain, fear cannot go where you are headed. Let 2019 be the last year you cheat yourself. BET ON YOURSELF!! Be gentle with yourself, but also, HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE!! I repeat, BET ON YOURSELF AND HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE!!!! Yes, I am talking to myself just as much as I am talking to you when I say these things. BE INTENTIONAL! Know that NO ONE IS HOLDING YOU BACK BUT YOU! You are capable and deserving to go after what's yours. You are connected and covered, so live courageously.
...So, the next time you're at the top, the next time you need to take a jump, close your eyes, count to three, spread your wings, and fly! Until Next Time, Live In Love
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